Survey Shows Israel Has World's Largest Supply of the World's Most Precious Resource: Jews

A groundbreaking geological survey taken by the Geological Society of America and set to publish next month in Geology Archive shows that since its inception, Israel has dominated the world market by having an abundant supply of Jews. Kim Davis, managing editor of the magazine, explains that "Jews have always been sought after in world affairs. Due to craftiness, persecution complexes and general sneakiness they have managed exert an enormous influence on world affairs. They have produced dozens of Nobel Prize winners, world leaders, and wealthy bankers. It's no wonder the Middle East is in such conflict - each party is seeking to amass the most number of Jews in their homeland. It's been determined that Jews own pretty much everything"

Some have speculated that Jews could become a new form of currency among powerful countries with the ability to market those of Abraham's lineage. "Say, for instance, back in the 1930s America wanted to 'sell' Albert Einstein," says Harvard Economics professor Michael Dean. "It would be relatively simple for the United States to place Albert Einstein on the world market, so to speak, and sell at a fair price. Perhaps they could take an Ariel Sharon (before becoming sick, of course) and an Alan Dershowitz as a fair trade. Or 5 CEOs, whatever they want. The point is, the trading of Jews as a commodity is coming, and they better watch out. Er, this is an exciting development for everyone!"